Beauty Failed Me

i dont forget.

2009-10-25T23:35:00.002-05:00

It has been years since anyone posted anything here.
i just thought i'd say, we titled this thing beautifully.
beauty did fail me.
but beauty also picked me back up.

i was not beautiful enough to make him stick around,
but i was beautiful enough, in some way shape or form to catch the eye of someone else. someone who looks deeper. and i have no clue how i managed that.

so beauty failed. and then it succeeded.
and i just thought someone should know...

-sar

Beauty. Failed. Me.

2005-11-20T10:37:00.000-06:00

I have an excellent boyfriend.
A truly excellent boyfriend.
He is spectacular and amazing.
I just can't get over him right now.
And I can't get enough of him.

Okay, now that I got that out of me...

He's great.
:-)

...Carry on...

Beauty. Failed. Me.

i<3kristin

2005-08-17T22:16:00.000-05:00

so, i dearly love kristin.
and i've been down some too.
how depressingly depressing.

-sar.

2005-08-12T21:52:00.000-05:00

Life's been treating me like shit lately. It sucks. It sucks. I'll get over it, but it sucks. :-(I've made a friend, from Illinois. He's cool, we talk a lot. I miss talking to everyone. I feel ignored and I feel unhappy. I feel sad. I've cried a lot this week. Crying sucks. Everything sucks.
....
Sarah, I'm happy that things are looking good for you and Nick. :-)That's good. He'll be good for you.
....
So...I'm gonna go. Yeah. Bye.

v v v v v v v v v v
Beauty. Failed. Me.

hmmm

2005-07-18T15:10:00.000-05:00

funny thing. i got the whole backpack astrologer in a cosmogirl a while ago. but i havent really looked at it yet. not until today. in august, it says:
play fair. funny you would keep tabs on your guy since you're the one who's seeing other people! news flash: he knows whats going on, but he doesn't want to lost you. he's giving you room, so give him your trust.

i thought it was quite ironic. considering....well..you know the story.
just kidding. maybe you dont.
you could guess though.
anyway.

i dont know.
thats all.

-sar.

Beauty. Failed. Me.

still here

2005-07-11T21:12:00.000-05:00

i'm in love with this pic.

no. we have not died,
just simply, sort of,
abandoned this blog.
not on purpose however.

i will get some more poetry on here sometime.

maybe i will start my summer reading.
but probably not.

i will after i finish perks.
i promise.
maybe.

but for now, i'm going to
leave with this.

xanga is sucking it up again.
blahhh.
but i love you, kristin dear.
and anyone else who still reads this.

-sar.

Beauty. Failed. Me.

ugh.

2005-05-26T11:46:00.000-05:00

i have this foreboding feeling that this summer will be unescapable bad. so i hope i'm wrong.
speaking of feelings...

feelings (5-26-05) skd

these emotions that run deep inside
are the essence of your identity today
but careful is how you must be
because these feelings are decieving.
look on, as you cry cry cry in pain
with the dagger dug deep into your heart
with no one left to pull it out for you.
and you give yourself up to yourself.
then, within hours of your death of identity
you are laughing because of the magic found
in the eyes of a surreal character you dont know
and you have never been more tickled than now.
the next hour, you are practically fainting
thinking of someone, envisioning their face
wishing you were with them now...
you have never been more in love.
an hour later, you are bored stiff with your life.
nothing has happened to you today and nothing will
you dont even remember the emotional rollercoaster
you just left from, where you spent your day
crying laughing loving forgeting wishing...
and all of these feelings have lied to you once again.

i'm not in a good mood.

-sar.

Beauty.Failed.Me.

still alive

2005-04-18T21:52:00.000-05:00

even though i'm not sure if thats a good thing or not....
its time for a nice little trip away from the people i know.
but i want it to be secret.
i need a secret little hideaway, big enough for two
but with just me there.

just read.

I won't 4-6-05 skd

I think of the
best thing to
say to you
when i'm angry

But when i finally
get the chance
i think about
how you'd feel.

And i know that i
just can't do it
just can't say it
just can't hurt you.

Even if you do hurt me.

Prayers for Tears 4-6-05 skd

At times like these
and days like now
I'm pretty sure that
everyone in heaven is
looking down at me
praying so hard for me
to keep it up
while God sadly smiles.
I pull my head up
& stick my chin out,
blinking back the tears
they don't even know
they cause me to cry.
And all i can do is
keep walking, saying
"They wont see me weak.
I swear they wont."
And all the prayers from
heaven can't stop me
from breaking down
when I finally get
a safe distance away.

4-13-05 skd

we worked so hard.
we practiced for hours.
we said it all
(out loud & in our heads).
we knew what we were doing.
we'd perfected it to an art.
we knew we were good.
we were so ready, so prepared

and in the end,
it didn't matter
if we succeeded
or if we fell short

as long as we were all there.

not in the best of moods.
crest white-stripping it.
i have another 15 minutes.
heres more stuff.

Comfortable Distance 4-12-05 skd

On the way home
sitting with our legs just an inch apart
I look down and notice how different
yet similar we are.
With the next turn,
I become 3 inches away from you.
I can't decide if it's a tragedy
or simply breathing space.
With the following turn,
there is no space between up,
not even a little bit.
Yet I wonder if I'm
suffocating you.
And with the round of the last corner,
I endup right where I started,
contemplating
if "confortable distance"
is relative not just to people,
but to time itself.

-sar.

Beauty. Failed. Me.

2005-03-31T22:10:00.000-06:00

I think I'll start using this blog slightly more frequently.

Beauty. Failed. Me.

2005-03-11T12:24:00.000-06:00

I'm getting freaking sick.
this sucks.

an hour and 15 mins more.
then home.

adam's taking me home today.
yay!

I'm so tired.
I want to sleep.

I should be writing some programs.

lovemoi

2005-03-06T18:35:00.000-06:00

maybe I'm talking to someone.
maybe.

excitement

2005-03-05T22:38:00.000-06:00

I'm getting excited about ... everything. That's good, right?

:-)

Beauty. Failed. Me.

its almost over.

2005-02-25T22:47:00.000-06:00

priase the lord! jump for joy!
not that i dont love kristin.
(shes about the only one at this point
who is making an effort to be a friend)
but i was really getting tired of pizza everynight
and staying up late to finish homework.

and i really should go to bed.
because solo and ensemble is tomorrow.
yep thats where i'm going

dont know what i was looking for when i went back home.
i found me alone.
sometimes i need someone to say "you'll be alright"
"whats on your mind?"
but the water's shallow here
and i am full of fear
and empty-handed after two long years.

another sunny day in california.
i'm sure back home they'd love to see it.
but they dont know that what you love is ripped away
before you get a chance to feel it.

-sar

Beauty. Failed. Me.

ps

2005-02-23T21:29:00.000-06:00

tell me what you think!
(Click preview at the bottom of the page...)
http://blogskins.com/info.php?sid=31770

hi, it's me...do you remember me?

2005-02-23T21:19:00.000-06:00

okay. I guess I"m going to take up residence here, too, for a little while.
but I'm on my mum's comp because she's on ours...I have a little work to do, but I don't want to do it now.

I am going to make this a bit more...spring-y, next week, or the week after. After I take a huuuuuge nap. For like a week. Sheesh.

I've been thinking a lot lately. About - guess who? Yeah, nick...
:-/

Eh. I dunno. I think I'll have a little conversation with him Friday. Or Sunday. I dunno.
:-/

Yeah.

DI = going funly. It's beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.
The spray paint fumes got to me, though. Not good. I was like Christina after the Sharpies. No bueno.

Sigh. Sigh sigh sigh.
more later?
we'll see.

Beauty. Failed. Me.

screw xanga

2005-02-22T21:14:00.000-06:00

i get more comments off of this thing i think.

well. so things are better.

i really like the fact that i'm not letting this site go to waste.
and i like that its so pretty.

taks was dumb.
cameron was sweet.
i finished my book.
i'm ready for the next.

i think i want to post some poetry.
but i'm lazy.

speaking of:
i was writing in spanish today,
(we were watching a movie on the tango)
and branden wanted to read it.
honestly, i didnt have a problem with it.
but on the opposite page,
i'd been blowing off steam,
and it was like that for...like 4 pages.
so i folded it so he could only see one side
and told him he could read that one.
i didnt mean what i had said in the other one.
well i did. but he wouldnt understand it.
unless he read the one in which i really didnt mean what i said.
and i didnt want to get things more complicated than they were.

so he read. then he tried to read the other one.
and i asked him, with a terrified look on my face i'm sure,
to please not.
but he started to, and i teared up, because i could see everything i'd worked for falling apart in my minds eye.
but strunc (thank God) saw & told him to give it back to me.

i think it may have hurt him a bit that i had something to keep from him,
but it would have hurt him even more to read it all.

blahh.

anyway.

then he kept asking me if i was okay.
& what did i do?
i told him yes.
because i had nothing better to say.
and i couldnt explain it.

and i cant believe i lied.

blahh...

concert tonight=exactly as i expected.
listening to honor band makes me feel like shit.

i KNOW i could play that. i just know that if i had the chance.

but life isnt fair. i gave up something i want more than anything now, for something that i cant even do now.

but remember what debbie says.
you get what you get & you dont throw a fit.

nobody said it was easy. oh but no one ever said it would be this hard...

i've been listening to the starting line alot lately.
see look

\/ \/ \/ \/
for lack of better words to say, all i said was goodnight. once again, in self defense, i wont sleep a wink to prevent dreaming of you.

i dont really have anything good to say.
and i have some world history left to do.
later.

-sar.

Beauty. Failed. Me.

oh man. even a 3rd update!

2005-02-21T00:42:00.000-06:00

in a row! geeze this has to be a record.

yeah. i know you would listen kristin.
cause you're cool like that.

but i need advice, and i have a feeling you cant help me.
i think i need a guy's help on this one.

i prayed alot last night when i was doing my bible study because i didnt know what to do. i guess i thought everything was kind of fairy-tale-ish and when that shattered, i was upset and lost. blahh. dreaming.

but. i guess this is one of those things that i hold my head up,
put on some confidence,
and take one step at a time,

remembering that no matter what happens,
i cant go back and undo things, so i might as well not try to think of the what-ifs.

and saying that just because things may not work out,
i'll always have someone that i love and that i love back.

even if it is my mom.

blahhh
i'm out.

-sar.

Beauty. Failed. Me.

wow. two posts kinda close together.

2005-02-19T22:06:00.000-06:00

well. i need an outlet that i almost trust.
i'm scared out of my mind.

and i cant believe i'm about to write this.

tonight i was at brandens house. now i've set limits for myself long ago, limits i swore up and down i would never let someone past.

and tonight, i had to say something.

and oh God, i was so scared. and when i told him,
no matter how many times he said it was okay,
i wanted to cry.

i found something that i just cant do.

i just thought all of a sudden:
what if my mom knew about this?
or what if the cheerleaders heard about this?
they'd have a field day.
what if someone more important knew?
God knows. God knows.

thats when i knew that it wasnt right.

and i didnt cry. but the tears sting now.

God. if it was anyone else, anyone...
this would be so much easier.

i hope he wasnt just saying that he understood.
and i wish i could have said something sooner.

and i wish i actually had someone to tell this to
rather than this old dinky computer.
but at this point, i just want to tell everyone,
because i feel like i'm lying to everyone i talk to.
but i dont want anyone to think of me that way,
like i didnt stay with my morals.
and i'm just so scared.

and i dont know why i'm crying.
its not like everythings over.
its not like he doesnt care about me.

its like i forced a ceiling on our relationship
and then we hit our heads
and this is all the pain that goes with it.

oh God. i dont know what i'm supposed to do....
wont you save me?

-sar.

Beauty. Failed. Me.

a letter from the band hall

2005-02-18T11:38:00.000-06:00

so. blogger isnt blocked at school. although xanga is. i'm not surprised that they blockedit again.
anyway, its lunchtime here.
i'm in the office in the bandhall with caitlin, al, o, and barron.

i had a sucky day yesterday.
then i saw my cymbal line.
then i talked to branden.
then the night wasnt so sucky later on.

you know what i want?
a subway 6 inch ham & cheese on white.

anyway

mr o is the coolest.
he doesnt know that i'm writing about him
i could say anything i want and he'd never know.
i could be mean,
but i wont.
because he way cool yesterday.

um anyways.

nothings happening.

DI in one week
that isnt a long time.

i'm gonna go finish eating.
later.

-sar.

what are you waiting for? wearing out the shore. under bloodshot skies, salt water in your eyes say that you've been here before. a thousand times before. drowning in your lack of tears. now that the coast is clear, a ship is safe at port, but thats not what ships are for. and i'm waiting, yes i'm waiting wont you please make up your mind?....what are you waiting for?

Beauty. Failed. Me.

2005-01-09T21:16:00.000-06:00

yikes, a whole month?!

2004-12-13T13:39:00.000-06:00

darling. it's december. someone needs to post.
tata

Beauty. Failed. Me.

2004-11-14T15:24:00.000-06:00

bahamas

2004-11-14T15:23:00.002-06:00

bahamas

2004-11-14T15:23:00.001-06:00

bahamas

2004-11-14T15:23:00.000-06:00

bahamas

2004-11-14T15:22:00.002-06:00

bahamas

2004-11-14T15:22:00.001-06:00

bahamas

2004-11-14T15:22:00.000-06:00

bahamas

2004-11-13T15:23:00.001-06:00

Bass Line, Will, Dana, Me, Caleb

2004-11-13T15:23:00.000-06:00

T.C.

2004-11-13T15:22:00.002-06:00

Snare Line 2004

2004-11-13T15:22:00.001-06:00

Rolf

2004-11-13T15:22:00.000-06:00

Teh SKi

2004-11-13T15:21:00.000-06:00

Bass Line 2004

2004-11-13T15:18:00.000-06:00

Lonestar Full Battery & Pit

chad = tubby (or chunky)

2004-11-13T14:50:00.000-06:00

hokay.... it's time for an update!!!!!
both of us have been neglecting this sucker like crazy. boo. boooooooooo.

football season ended! yay! we managed to end this season 0 & 10. yes!
we officially suck. I find it hilarious.

lonestar = a week ago.
not as well as everyone expected. but I didn't/don't mind.

hmm. DI starts soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ooh I'm so excited.

I've officially run out of stuff to say..
uh.

I'm going to put a new OS on my comp. (other comp)
I'm happy, because then it ought to work.

I'm going to go and get all my driving stuff done, because I'm slow, but I really need to be able to drive. myself. around.

uhm.........
sarah = cool.

I'm bored.
I'm going to go paint my nails.

--k

Beauty. Failed. Me.

edit I'm trying out blogger/google/hello's picture sharing thing, picassa...
I'll tell you if it's anygood, or not..

yoyoyo

2004-10-23T17:42:00.000-05:00

wow. first saturday off in a while. it's nice. hooray.

got up at about noon. fun.
then sat around.
reading my driving book.
reading the lost world.
sitting around.

yup.
nothing to write.
so ... later, I guess...

Beauty. Failed. Me.

2004-10-11T01:37:00.000-05:00

new layout ... ?

2004-10-06T17:46:00.000-05:00

so, I'm kind of getting tired of this layout, how about you?
I'm thinking something new (that I do) that will be ...
navy blue, hunter green, dark dark grey, and a little black.
possibly goldenrod or dark redorange.

very ... fall - esque - ish.
yes. I'm thinking that might work...

I dunno, what do you think?
k
Beauty. Failed. Me.

i've got an answer kristin...

2004-10-04T20:32:00.000-05:00

well. i cant really say.
seeing as...
I'VE NEVER TALKED TO HIM BEFORE IN MY LIFE!!!
not even an aknowledgement head-lift.
nothing.

i'm just lonely & cody thinks. "we'd work"

now i cant say i'd NEVER like him because
as aforementioned statement...states...
i've never talked to him.

therefore, as well, i cant say that i do like him.

but by all means, take your chances & dont worry a thing about me at all.
i will be great no matter what happens.

& i'll be even better if it makes you happy.
(& if i do end up liking him (if i ever talk to him) i will be sure to talk to you about it first.)
because i love.
especially you deary.

-sar

Beauty. Failed. Me.

I've got a q, sar...

2004-10-01T20:16:00.000-05:00

hey... yuo know that guy ... the one cody had been mentioning... that he said something about hooking yall up?
you interested in him...?

cuz kristin is.

yeah, just curious...
laters, kiddo.

Beauty. Failed. Me.

2004-09-29T19:02:00.000-05:00

2004-09-28T18:26:00.000-05:00

yay sar!!!!

2004-09-28T16:39:00.000-05:00

hooray saraaaaaaah!
good job. you figured it out on your own!!!!!

(much farther than I've gotten. I mean further. I haven't even thought about trying it.)

yeah. my brain aches. it's my birthday. I'm going to get more painkillers.

-me

BFM

2004-09-27T21:44:00.000-05:00

no i didnt die.

2004-09-27T13:28:00.000-05:00

ohkay ohkay. its my turn to update. so i'm updating.
school is kicking my butt. guys are kicking my butt. band is kicking my butt.
if theres something thats not kicking my butt right now, i'd like to know...

anyways. the poetry. the poetry.

I hope... (9-24-04) skd
I hope you wonder what I'm writing down. I hope you want to ask so bad. In fact, I hope you do, & then apologize for making me feel this way. I hope that for two seconds you can give me another chance in your heart and then decide whether you are willing to take on another burden. But I dont think you will so I'll keep crying myself to sleep every night. I hope you're happy. Isn't that the whole point? See how much it hurts? Yeah. Well I hope you wonder what I'm sitting here writing & I hope that you someday find it out.

The More (9-9-04) skd
You frustrate me.
No matter how much you
don't care, I still do.
Why? Its so unfair.
The more you are indifferent,
the more I love you.
The more you try to annoy me,
the more I love you.
The more you ignore me,
the more I love you.
...........
& the more I want to tell you,
the more afraid I get...

.LoveBelieveKnow. (9-10-04) skd
Love.Believe.Know.
Love to
Believe you
Know him.
Love him always and a day.
Believe that he loves you too.
Know you're not kidding.
Love like you've always thought you could.
Believe in the way you feel.
Know that its now or never.
Love the way they hate you.
Believe the way you should act.
Know the way that is correct.
Love and you'll
Believe in how you
Know he loves you.

I Wont. I Swear. (9-22-04) skd
Ask her out. See if I care.
I swear I wont.
Well not to your face at least.
I'll smil & tell you I'm happy.
Its a lie, but only to myself.
Falling in love. well. it was
the best idea we never had.
You want her company so bad.
But not as much as I want yours.
But i refuse to let you know.
I'll stay in this cage of pain
rather than go into a world of hurt.
No matter how much sense it
doesnt make at all,
I swear I wont care.

You're horrible. (9-24-04) skd
So why do I still want you?
You throw it in my face,
the way I feel,
and you act like the feelings
are mutual, & hten opposite.
So what am I supposed to think?
If you feel the same,
then I dont care if you say it.
But if you dont, you are never
allowed to put that in my face
if I'm angry or hurt.
I know my feelings.
& you are clueless!
So dont even bring up my feelings
for you
if you dont return said feelings

Opinions & Hurt Feelings (9-23-04) skd
When opinions could hurt feelings,
should they even be expressed?
I'm not perfect, nor are you.
You can annoy me & I can annoy you.
But nontheless I love you.
While I want to say something,
words can hurt, & I dont like hurt.
I dont want you to hurt me
and I dont want to hurt you.
Hurtful words can never be taken away.
They can seldom be forgotten either.
And when the best you can do is apologize,
you have two choices:
Bring closer or push apart.
With your hurtful words will you
bring us closer or push us farther apart?
But what if it needs to be said?
What then? Should we say it anyway?
Even if it could hurt our feelings?

hokay. (different from ohkay.) thats it. theres 6 new things i've contributed.

stuff is retarded. i want to find some new people.
not that the old people are not good anymore,
i just want some new blood in my life.
a new guy would be nice. one who i dont know. who hasnt yet hurt me.
ohh a blank page. a clean slate.
could it be wonderful or what?
yeah yeah. help out there.

i'll love you forever....will you please just smile?

later.

-sar

Beauty. Failed. Me.

yo

2004-09-24T13:29:00.000-05:00

hey...
in computer right now. it's fridaayyy.
sar, it's so your turn to update. you're late like crazy.
---
yeah. gotta go finish getting my labs checked.
POST, SAR!!!!!

<3k

Beauty. Failed. Me.

drumlinage

2004-09-13T16:38:00.000-05:00

So I don't suppose this will last long w/out me being able to update while waiting for drumline to start...

yeah, no update really today.
latersss

k

Beauty. Failed. Me.

back @ schoolage

2004-09-07T16:15:00.000-05:00

gross. still at school. ugh.

dos nuevos poemas. yeah, poemas.
one and two.

more specific linkage soon.
if you need to know that urgently go here.
there ought to be direct links. muah.

uhhh. school sucks. it's called a F in the maths. a F. you know what happens to those of us that get F's, right?? we get all social interactions removed. for ev er. not really. but nothing good has ever happened from a F.

chem is stupid. and I usually like science.argh.

yeah, that's about it. I've got about 15 min until taco bell time, so ... yeah. 15 min. yup.

til next time...

...
..
...
..
...
(^comepletely worthless use of periods.)

k

Beauty. Failed. Me.

umm so yeah

2004-08-31T21:43:00.000-05:00

starting with a poem. i've written a ton of them lately.

Shoe Love Poem (8-31-04) skd
I'm wearing platform black flipflops.
You're wearing you regular tan converse.
Neither extremely exciting to either of us.
But how excited I'd be
id suddenly i looked down
& they were both next to each other.
How happy I'd feel if
they were entwined together
like a knot.
That could never be undone.
How amazed it would make me
if somehow, someway,
your converse
& my flipflops
found each other.

blahh. things get me angry quick.
& i'm so utterly confused.

i just dont want to hurt anyone.
but i guess thats impossible huh?
no matter what i do, someone will be hurt.

& either way, it could end up being me.

poetry book.
coming this summer.
i'm super excited.
you should be too.
this sites poetry could become exclusive to you.

plus 5 of the 6 poems i wrote today.
[so i've had a ton to write about.]

but other than that.
yeah.
thats all the updates for now.
later

~Sarah~
<><

another sunny day in californ-i-a
i'm sure back home they'd love to see it.
but they dont know that what you love is ripped away
before you get a chance..before you get a chance to feel it..

another sunny day beneath this cloudless sky
sometimes i wish that it would rain here.
& wash away the west coast dreaming from my eyes.
theres nothing real for them to see here.

Beauty. Failed. Me.

a la escuela

2004-08-31T16:47:00.000-05:00

at school right now. so, maybe I'll be able to update, maybe not.
sar, it's so your turn to rkethpjkawjfd;lgadjlfg <<--alicia's work update.
I'll bet you haven't been here in ages. argh.

lah. lah lah lah lah.
long days suck.
suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
suckle.
heh. suckle.

yeah, allright, I'm going now. for the moment.
--moi

Beauty. Failed. Me.

schoolio

2004-08-18T19:47:00.000-05:00

so, you want to know about school, then?

too bad.

naw, I'm kidding. I'll give you a few details. Cuz you're cool. Whatev.

Wells..
First (1stband2) goes something like this, wake up, screw up, wake up some more, leave.
not too shabby.

Second (pre ap algebra 2) seems boring, but, I've never done well at math, or ever been interested in it, really, so what do you expect? It's math. That's all there is to it.

actually, theres more. kevin h. is in that class. odd, though, he's a year above me. perhaps he's just dumb. maybe I'm just smart. I'll bet, though, that it's all because it's a advanced class or pre ap or whatever. anyhow. major eye candy. def worth the hour of numbers.

:)

third (pre ap (or is it ap?)english2) is english. simple and difficult but boring all at once. you know how english is.

fourth (ap comp sci1, that's right. A stinking P.) is lovely. ok, maybe not lovely. I'm the youngest in the class, and it's pretty much a walk in freezer for an hour. but it doesn't appear to be difficult. yet. I don't really know. I just hope it goes well. besides, who cares, I get wonderful ap credit for this. :)

ps, 1st lunch, too.

fifth (pre ap (or is it ap? I don't know..)world.. history?) seems comfortable. odd teach. easy enough work. ennh. I think I'll manage.

sixth (spanish 2) ew. oh how I wish there were a pre ap or ap or 'not for dummies' spanish. stupid morons. teacher seems like a jerk. some new guy. I don't know. but, first impression, second day I've had him, maybe it'll perk up? right.

seventh (pre ap chem1) seems alright. I like sciences, so I think I'll be ok.

---

third day of school, I don't really have much of an opinion on it yet, you know?
but it's seeming allright.
all this drumline pract after school is melting my brain. I need to sleep, I guess.

yeah, so how's school been for anyone/everyone else..?

k

Beauty. Failed. Me.

8-12

2004-08-12T20:54:00.000-05:00

ugh. boys.

Beauty. Failed. Me.

sarah...archives...

2004-08-11T13:34:00.000-05:00

dear sarah, did you ever find the archives?
try this.
yours, me
ps, the link is also slightly to your right. it says "Past Days" and is underlined. There is also one way to the right in the far right column, underneath the titled thingys.
You know what? Just try that link in this post.
-me

yay for me!*

2004-08-09T22:33:00.000-05:00

kristin told me to post. so here i am posting. dont you just love it?
mann i really dig the new look. its great.
haha.

other than that. nothing much happened today.
band & such.
tomorrow i'm overbooked like crazy.

& friday, if all goes as planned, i'll be at a josh groban concert.
i'm so super excited.
yay for josh groban.

mmm. i miss martini.
& i just saw him like an hour & 1/2 ago.
man i'm pathetic. as usual.

i'm ready for DI.
i'm ready to finish summer reading.
so i can be ready to start school.
i should finish tomorrow.
hopefully.

See the world in green and blue
See China, right in front of you
See the canyons b r o k e n by cloud
See the tuna fleets _clearing_ the sea out
See the *Bedouin fires* at night
See the oil fields at --first light--
And see the ].bird.[ with a leaf in her mouth
After the _flood_ all the colors came out

well i have nothing really to say. but i'll be updating more.
til later,

~S~
<><

Beauty. Failed. Me.

thanks!

2004-08-08T22:16:00.000-05:00

thank you kids so stinking much for the wonderful comments.
You all rock.
That is all.

Beauty. Failed. Me.

ark I've

2004-08-07T14:04:00.001-05:00

ok, way awesomer archive pic. check it out.
Beauty. Failed. Me.

confused?

2004-08-07T13:10:00.000-05:00

ugh. everything right now is so out of whack that I'm confused.

honestly. I don't know what's going on, mostly because everything is going so quickly. I don't hav much time to think. I've got to be entirely focused on marching and musicing before lunch in the mornings, and in the afternoons, I have to be focused on playing right. Right. Not wrong.

It's so difficult too. Oh well. I'm improving. (!) Which is most certainly a tremendously wonderful sign.

But back to the point. I'm entirely freaked about chopping most of my hair off. Even when I went with option 2, which gives me about 4 more inches than my first choice, I'm still scared.

What if it doesn't look good? What if it doesn't suit me? What if I don't like it but whoever else thinks it's ok?

I don't like big changes. I do like change, don't get me wrong. I think change is wonderful. I don't like change that involves me and only me. If change involves me and you, per se, I can handle that. You're my moral support. If it happens to me, then it happens to you. We both get upset or happy together.

I can't change. That's ripping my security blanket away. I'm soooooo unsure about this. If I had the stinking software to scan my pic in and then put the hair I want on my head around my face, I would prbly be more ready to get my hair done. Because I'd know how it would be. Generally. But I don't know, so I'm afraid.

Condolences don't help much, either.

And, people are starting to bug me. Just in general. I think. Not bugging me lots to the point where I want to look at them and yell "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR 20 MINUTES!!!", but rather to where I feel like I just want them to wander off for a bit. They can come back. But just give me a few.

There are still the several friends that are splendid company. The kids that don't bother me at all. You know who you are, because I've told you this directly or I've telekenesised the thought to you. Don't deny it. You got it.

But, some people can just push that nerve and bug me to bits.

Ok, I'm done talking for now. I've already said too much. By the way, if you're wandering through and read a post or something, you're welcome to leave a comment. You don't have to registered on Blogger, and we used to have a tagboard, but it was giving us lip so we removed it.

So comment away. It's nice to know that some of you people have opinions, too.

Beauty. Failed. Me.

hits hits hits?!

2004-08-06T22:17:00.000-05:00

someone please explain how this blog got at least 30 hits since I officially unveiled its 'new look' a few hours ago.
please?

BFM has never gotten that many hits in under 12 hrs. never.
(ok, I'm done posting now)

Beauty. Failed. Me.

2004-08-06T17:53:00.000-05:00

splendid archives. check them out.

now.

2004-08-06T17:02:00.000-05:00

DRUMLINE

Beauty. Failed. Me.

i'm posting. finally.

2004-07-29T17:09:00.000-05:00

currently listening to: amy talk.

umm sorry i didnt post. but i shall make up for it eventually. hrmmm.
maybe now. but maybe not.

when did all this cool stuff at the top of blogger get here?
bloggers getting cooler, xanga's getting cooler....
i'm kinda liking it.
umm but yeahh anyways...
heres a poem.

One Light (7-25-04) skd
A light hangs. Among many others.
Not at all special. Just a light.
It wouldn't make that much difference
if it just went out. (::poof::)
The other lights would shine on
so that people in the room could see.
But, say, all the lights went out.
No one would be able to see.
But, perhaps, just maybe, that light
flickered back on.
People in the room would just be able to
tell where they are going
& not run into all the furniture.
That one light could make
all the difference.
Thats how important it is.

i wrote that in church, looking at my favorite light.
if you stand in the very center of the sanctuary
facing the alter, & look up, & over the left,
its the first hanging down light.

i dont know why its my favorite. its not super cool or anything.
but i love that light. my eyes just always find their way to look at it.

moving on, tomorrow=muchos fun! kristin, if you read this, i will be at practice on time tomorrow.
if i can get a ride.....
hrmmmmm....i'm gonna need a ride....
i'll make some calls.
& then DI on saturday is really exciting me. & i dont know why.
but it is.

umm anyways, i dont think i really have anything else to write. soooo.
later daze.

~S~

Beauty. Failed. Us.

new layout

2004-07-28T15:32:00.000-05:00

new layout, still being worked on, what do you think?
POST!

Beauty. Failed. Us.

I'm mad at you

2004-07-25T14:00:00.000-05:00

sarah you didn't post. I'm mad at you. grr.

in other news, I'm back.
kristin

Beauty. Failed. Us.

last post before I'm out

2004-07-14T12:34:00.000-05:00

littlesistersarequeer

Beauty. Failed. Us.

friday

2004-07-11T11:57:00.000-05:00

I leave friday for the bahamas. well, friday I'm going to austin, then miami. saturday I'm making it to the island - Eluthera, but I can't spell it. Wed my aunt comes down. tues maybe I'll go to the mvies. I guess I shouldve told you in order or something. here's something out of order: I come back on the 23 I think. maybe the 24. I can't remember. sarah, you must update.

love-me

Beauty. Failed. Us.
ps, miss me lots

you know how I said ...

2004-07-03T14:26:00.000-05:00

ok, so I left that mini comment down there that said I would make a nice long post ... ... ... yeah, well, we talked last night so I don't think I really have anything to say now. except that I'm sorry I can bring you your tomahto soup and grilled cheese.
?!?you wanna know what?!? I made a sandwich yesterday and ate it and though I thought the bread was somewhat stale, I didn't think much of it because it was like an entire loaf of bread so I thought it was rather new. (loaf, that's a funny word.) well, it turns out that only 2 pieces of the entire loaf didn't have mold on them. :( grr. I think I ate a moldy cheese sandwich. :(
not cool at all.
you are so coming over here of the fourth (tomorrow), with or without your sinuses. you HAVE to.
taht's all for now. I really should go back and fix my typos, but I'm lazy, so pooh.
k

Beauty. Failed. Us.

tons of stuff is wrong.

2004-07-01T21:33:00.000-05:00

but i cant let that get me down right? i've been cleaning a ton lately...
(kristin i may take you up on your offer. mom wants to take me to a willie nelson concert. :\ it'd be cool if it was MY friends going, not hers...)
but a relient k song just came on. see. it gets better all the time. haha! God's on my side & he sends me my favorite song!

anyways i told this one cool guy that i'd put a certain poem on here...so here it is. just for him.
yeah yeah feel special. you know you want to. (sorry for lack of creativity on the name...)

My Dream (3-10-04) skd
I dreamed last night that you were killed
at my house. i cried a river
so i could drown my emotion.
but it didnt work. they still lived.
& i was stuck without a way to stop "love".
i relived the day, over & over.
i saw it coming & couldnt stop it.
in fact it got worse. my heart cried out.
the whole world heard it but couldnt help
because they couldnt bring you back.
they watched a girl lose her love over & over.
no suspects could ever be found.
you were bloody & handing in my garage.
mom & i found you. several times.
we wanted you back. i cried
enough for both of us. it was inevitable.
nothing could stop your death. worse & worse.
you said you'd die if anything happened to me.
why did i have to live when something happened to you?
so i died, and you lived, happily.
i suppose the one who killed you was Disdain.
you wouldnt live loving me.

3 guesses who thats about, right? mann i was passionate then. now i'm just like. uh. yeah. whatever. it kinda sucks. ok so it really sucks. but i'm not getting my heart broken right? i need some more time to jump in again.
i havent talked to taylor since monday. thats one of my problems.
umm. then. gosh i dont know.
sometimes i just wish i had 2 wishes that would come true. that i could see what/how people want/feel from/about me. or everyone. if you could keep up with that. the other would be being able to just know how to make a guy fall in love with me. not just guys even. be able to make people want to love me unconditionally. like, i could just snap my fingers, & they'd love me forever. my friends, family, guys, whoever i choose! but yeahh.

....................................................
What's going on tonight? Is everything alright?
I hope that nothing's wrong. I haven't seen you
in so long.

I'm away, you're here to stay and I'm away and
you're ok
You're here to stay and I'm away, you're here to
stay and I'm ok

What exactly do you do, when I'm not with you?
What exactly do you say, all the time that I'm away?

You tell me nothing's wrong
Seems like I've been gone oh so long
Nothing seems to have changed
Yet the familiar things seem all so strange
....................................................

kristin, i want ya'll back. i havent talked, really talked, to any of my old friends (old meaning been around through the tough stuff, not like, worn out.) i miss ya'll. even (dare i say it?!) i think i may even miss rolf. ::cringes:: just like, ya know, having him around. even if i'm so annoyed at him or wish his head would blow up.

did i really just say that? oh geeze i think i did...::gags::

well. theres your annoyingly long post for my part.
maybe update tomorrow. i've got nothing better to do.

~Sarah~
<><

Beauty. Failed. Us.

I remember -

2004-07-01T15:38:00.000-05:00

- I just choose to forget.

I usually don't have much to say for here. So ... that's my apology. Sorry.
So what's a matter, kiddo? What's wrong with your Taylor thing? And have you just given up on Martin, then? This is going to make me sound like an old lady, but I thought he was a nice boy. *shrug* My judgement, however, isn't always the best.

thisisthestoryofagirl
whocriedariveranddrownedthewholeworld
and while she looked so sad and lonely there/in photographs
I absolutely love her when she smiles

sorry for that musical interlude. filter, though, made that song so glorious. brings back the memories. :)

oh my. that hot 100 changed. it's ... oldies? man, that's some crazy craziness. oldies are nice, though.

so, as I was saying, whats wrong? I"m here to listen / talk. & you know that. we haven't talked lately. sorry. it's just ... nothing to talk about, you know? yeah, you know.

uhm, summer is boring, want to come over? hey, what are you doing on the fourth? I've got to go to the neighbors bbq and bonfire with the family. you want to come with me? please say yes.

I'm out for the .. snout? Rhyming is bad.
heart you.
k
Beauty. Failed. Us.

i dont think anyone remembers that this is here...

2004-06-30T21:15:00.000-05:00

well anyway. i think i should post some new poems.
i've been writing a bit lately. right now i'm not though.
cuz i'm having writers block. i'm supposed to write a song for our youth group to sing in august.
& i just cant. nothing seems right. ehh.
anyway, here are two of my "funner" poems...

Horoscopes (6-23-04) skd
are they a product of the government?
who knows!? they could be.
teen girls read them like they were a bible!
they are in all of the teen magazines.
& they all suggest a teen problem.
they boy you like isnt worth it.
a friend is talking about you.
you should study up for that english test.
then some girl reads it & is hooked.
omigosh! it was right! ugh! duh!
of course it was right! its hard to be wrong!
now once they're hooked, you can
MAKE them start believing things.
there's a guy shes hiding from you. get him!
Seriously, these things could start a war!
next thing you know, people will plan
their whole weeks by horoscopes!
i think they are hilarious.
whether i believe them or not is unimportant.
look how much more gullible they've made us.

I Really Dislike Summer (6-24-04) skd
i forgot how much i dislike summer.
yeah i know, no school, no work
and you get vacations and stuff.
but i really would rather be in school.
i miss my friends. i bet summer
would be better
if i had a car.
& could drive.
all i do now is sit around
& hope that someone will call.
because i'm bored
& i miss human interaction.
i miss having a use.
vacations are great, too,
but a couple weeks & they're over.
then i'm back to sitting around.
i really dislike summer.

i dont really have anything to talk about. i'm really kinda getting sick. taylor doesnt call anymore. i havent heard from him since..monday. cheerleading practice starts next week. (well for me it started this week.) 8-12 every morning for 2 1/2 weeks.
i've been cleaning the house up. i'm hoping to have a party. like that would ever happen.
taylor taught me how to cheat at free cell on the computer. no one but jolene from mission trip likes to get on the computer & email me back. not even neil after a whole year of keeping in touch. i think he may be out doing stuff though. like on a roadtrip. i want to go on a roadtrip. but no one really wants to drive me. as soon as i get a car, i'm going on a roadtrip. even if it turns out to be me & some hobo i pick up driving to arkansas & back.
well. i'm gonna be a dear & let my sister get on the computer. shes been cool lately i guess.

did i mention i'm really confused about taylor?
oh i didnt?
well i'm really confused about taylor...

later daze.

~Sarah~
<><

Beauty. Failed. Us.

I went out

2004-06-26T14:10:00.000-05:00

I went out and did something or other. It was fun. I don't have anything else to say...
SorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyY.

kristin
Beauty. Failed. Us.

i'm back...

2004-06-23T09:54:00.000-05:00

well. here i am. i feel completely new.
like a new person. who has all new things.
& yet i'm longing for some of the old things.

like old friends.

::sigh::

anyway. i dunno what to write about.
how bout i throw you a poem i wrote like...last night.

Mission Trips (6-22-04) skd
I'll continue to wake up at 6:30
or 6:00 if I have breakfast duty
And pack for the day & encourage
enough to last a lifetime. I will
worship before heading out to
do labor where sweat is plentiful,
and water valuable. I'll eat what
is given to me and get back to work.
I'll take showers that arent luxurious
where-ever I can find and head back
to encourage some more. I'll be home-
sick and not be able to communicate,
then head to a dinner that isnt
quite my favorite, but I'm hungry
enough. Then do some less than
entertaining game and sit around
and talk to strangers before
heading to worship for a few hours.
Then I'll go to sleep on a make-
shift bed and wake up again sore.
I'll do it all if it makes a difference.
I'll do it forever if it helps & glorifies You.

yeahhh.
i miss kristin.
but i'll see her today if i can get a ride to stupid drumline.

monday, me, travis, whitney, amy, claire, daniel, debbie & her kids (austin & bailey) went & saw sherk 2, then went to chilis to eat, then went to debbies house to swim. it was fun. even if taylor couldnt come.
then on tuesday, me, taylor, amy, travis, amy (my sis), & anna (amy's sis) went to eat. at Bubba Q. it was great. even after we walked out, we stood in the parking lot for like...25 mins just talking & having amy give taylor death threats. & travis & taylor hitting on each other. & then them coming back to us irresistable people. lol jk. we just got to talk. i like it when we get to do that. just...talk. get to know each other. i've only know amy a week & 1/2, & i can already tell when somethings bothering her, her response to an answer, what kind of thing scares her, that she doesnt lie when she says she doesnt know her way around red oak. or to her house. or what the street names are. & travis knows her mad face. its insane. but we worked at getting to know each other. & look at what happened!

i just wish everyone could understand that.
i've made some great, lifelong friends.
but i want my old ones back too.

off to look for a ride to drumline.
later daze

~Sarah~
<><

Beauty. Failed. Us.

nothink to say

2004-06-16T17:41:00.000-05:00

let's see. sarah is gone at ... her mission trip.
I, being not incredibly churchly, am not. I just moved a lotta wood for the bonfire tomorrow. I was all sweaty and wood chip-y. Yeah, not incredibly great.
Using incredibly a lot.
I don't have much to say ... Uh, yeah.
-me

Beauty. Failed. Me.

texasairnet

2004-06-11T12:12:00.000-05:00

my internet was out from sunday, 6/6, 12 16.52 until thursday, 6/10 (happy bday mom), sometime in the morning.
therefore, sarah should post.
Beauty. Failed. Me.

pointless dilema

2004-06-05T11:36:00.000-05:00

ack. I don't want to work now that schools out. I should. But I don't wanna.

I want to be in the third grade again. No one cared. That was nice...

uhm, friends are being poopy heads. not espec to me, but it's bugging me becuase this time I noticed I didn't really want to try to fix it. I know, all for the better, right? it doesn't feel like it.

JUST GIVE IT UP, GUYS!!!!!

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

that's all for now.
me
Beauty. Failed. Me.

uh...

2004-06-03T17:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Sarah,
You should really post something soon.
Crapfully,
Mistin

I'm exhausted. Here, let me sum up my past few days. Sunday @ 2 05 we were on the road to Austin. Yeah, that was fun. Right. I didn't have too bad of a time in Austin, if you exculde the Austin Powers, the air conditioning, the hamburgers, the O, the wrist, the smoking, the talking, the rain, the heat, the humidity, the morons, and Pease. Ok, not all of that, but some stuff was dumb. Point being: We made a 3 on the ensemble.
Oh well.
Tuesday: stress o rama w/ drumline auditions. lets just say I'm happy with bass now. my party. I burned my sunburn.
wed: still no power. extremely bored and restless.
thurs: rather exhausted, but excited about tomorrow being last day of drumline. I don't like getting up int he mornings...

not much to say more...
I'm getting mad at people for being stupid teenagers.
I guess they/we can't help it though.
(Sorry.)

till next time: kristin

Beauty. Failed. Us.

sunburn

2004-05-27T18:31:00.000-05:00

mm, sunburnt and exhausted.
sheesh.
at least I had fun. it was great. we went swiming for, oh 2 and something hours.
I'll finish this later or start a new one.
ttyl.
k

Beauty. Failed. Us.

possible hiatus

2004-05-26T14:07:00.000-05:00

my xanga is on hiatus, so if things get really really really stressful, so will this dear blog.

sorry...

that's all I have to say right now.
[-]krstn

Beauty. Failed. Us.

Self...I want to stay home today

2004-05-25T16:30:00.000-05:00

i believe in self-assertion
destiny is like diversion
now it seems i've got my head on straight
i'm a freak, an apparition
seems i've made the right decision
try to turn back now it might be too late

& its off to the morning & back again
same old thing same situation
my happiness is back as if to say

i wanna stay home today (dont wanna go out)
if anyone comes to play (gonna get thrown out)
i wanna stay home today (dont want no company, no way)
yeah yeah yeah

a simple lifes my cup of tea
i dont need nobody but me
what i wouldnt give just to be left alone
i wanna be a millionare someday
but know what it feels like to give it away
watch me march to the beat of my own drum

& its over & over & over again
same old thing same situation
my happiness is back as if to say

i wanna stay home today (dont wanna go out)
if anyone comes my way (gonna get thrown out)
i wanna stay home today (dont want now company, no way)
yeah yeah yeah

rain rain everyday now
everyone can just stay away now
come another day

i wanna stay home today
i wanna stay home today
i wanna stay home stay home stay h

i wanna stay home today (dont wanna go out)
if anyone comes to play (gonna get thrown out)
i wanna stay home today (dont want no company, no way)
yeah yeah yeah

i wanna stay home (dont wanna go out)
if anyone comes my way (gonna get thrown out)
i wanna stay home today (dont want now company, no way)
yeah yeah yeah

this was on the shrek soundtrack & i listened to it once in my room & michael came in & i told him that was my favorite song on the cd.
the next day on the way to school, bubba popped in a cd & asked me if i liked it. i said yeah, it reminded me of the song off the shrek cd.
he told me it was the same guy. i'd had good enough judgement in music that he went out & bought the cd. even though he liked all the other songs better.
but still...i think that was the first real musical compliment i ever got from him....

why do i miss him so much? or at least, why now?
i didnt feel this way before...
bah!

~S~

Beauty. Failed. Us.

So Sorry

2004-05-25T14:20:00.000-05:00

In the mass hysteria induced during the attempts to straighten out my life by summertime, I haven't been able to get anything done. Sorry, dear blog, for you have been neglected, and I fear that my xanga has stolen all the attention. Make that Xangas. Sorry.
I've been rather busy with many things
1) School is ending, I'm trying to get all of my things together so I can be out of that building whenever that last exam ends and not have to go back. Except for drumline, which brings us to number
2) Drumline auditions are exactly one week from today. I'm somewhat freaked, though I am being reassured by lots of people (ok, like 4) telling me that I'll make it. I'm still worried. It was my spot last year and I didn't take it. What will I do this year?
3) Concert auditions just ended on Friday. A bribe gave me 12 extra minutes in which I finished doing everything that was required. Not well, but I did finish them.
4) Exams exams exams. I lazed off this semester and now it's kicking my behind. I should've studied more in general for everything. But I didn't. My grades will reflect my lack of intelligence.
5) Friends... No offense, but on and off, on and off, almost like a freaking strobe light, are people bugging the snot out of me. Of course, however, there are the fabulous moments in which I'm smiles and giggles (giggles?! WTF?!) and it's all good, but, there are more of the complete opposite. Stress doesn't help, though.
6) Guys... Sheesh, they are confusing, but I suppose we are too.
7) Work... I can't officially say that I work or have a job because, alas and alack, I don't, but the stuff I'm doing for my Mothers business is overwhelming. Wow...
8) Family... Rachie is graduating and I'm happy but I'll miss her. She's only heading to Nacho-Doggies (SFA), so visiting her won't be entirely out of the question. Just difficult.
9) & General Stress. Not much to say about it.

And that's why I'm such a foul person, lately. That and personal physical reasons, but that's not the point right now.
I can't wait, this week and next are party weeks. Yay!

I believe that's all I have to say right now, other than that I'm worried about a few people and I'm super stressed, and, I'm sorry that I don't have the time/energy to post much here.

Loveforeverandever,
Kristin Mistin

Beauty. Failed. Us.

2004-05-20T18:41:00.000-05:00

cleaning out the old pro...but i really liked this one, so i'm stashing it here till i can really save it...

----------------------------------------------------------
it doesnt hurt anymore. i swear it. you dont hurt anymore.

i dont mind if i fall its not that far at all.

get me drunk & stoned. feel me up with your dirty hands. i'm only a game to you. ruin my life and leave me here crying. it doesnt matter anymore. i leave my life in your hands. its the biggest mistake i could ever make.

& i wanna say so many things but three little words are all that i need to burn this bridge with no regrets to keep.
i'm sorry to say that i hate you
& i never wanna see you again.
it's not a mistake that i met you
& it taught me everything

...cuz turning to you is like falling in love when you're 10...

come on...without you i'll never feel the love inside of me..
<3 ben jelen

HIS love has numbed away this pain...
-------------------------------------------------------------

later

~S~

Beauty. Failed. Us.

sorry it has been so long

2004-05-15T12:13:00.000-05:00

wah wah wah
I ought to post more.
It's been awhile since either of us has had anything to say.

BANQUET IS TONIGHT. and I'm not very excited.
oh well.

writing aprogram, so not much else to say.

<3 me

Beauty. Failed. Us.

comments on this post?

2004-05-12T21:42:00.001-05:00

test post to see if comments are enabled.......
hope so.
wish me luck.
blah blah blah
this isn't working and its
B U G G I N G me.
k
Beauty. Failed. Us.

2004-05-11T21:32:00.000-05:00

oh, and don't view archives until I say so unless you absoluteley hve to.
you see...
I was stealing bandwidth (sry) and then the kid closed her acct and my hoster (photobucket) resizes the picture and I just had an idea, so I'll try it out later.
anyone know of a good free image hosting service that is not photobucket or villagephoto, please tell me!

thank you so much!
k

edits to skin

2004-05-11T21:30:00.000-05:00

edits to skin coming soon. just wait...
<3 k (your loyal [for the most part] fan)

yes, alas & alack! more poetry

2004-05-11T20:57:00.001-05:00

hello my loyal readers! (referring to kristin)
i think i shall just jump into this stuff.
& no explanations. because i dont wanna explain.

Asking Him Out 5-6-04 skd
Tension is building.
Stress is taking over.
My mind is on one thing
while i try to pretned
that there are a million
other things going on
in my head. i'm afrai
of the rejection you could
impose, but i want all
the things you could
expose to me. if i dont
ask, i will never know.
you will never know.
we will never get this
oppertunity. unless i take
this risek now, cuz i
dunno if you ever will
i open my mouth & with
these words i'll begin
and end. "so what are
you doing this Friday?"

Ever 5-6-04 skd
Have you ever thought
that everything you ever do
affects everyone everywhere?
your attitude, a comment, anything
can affect thos around you.
who will affect those around them.
who will affect those around them.
soon its a local, national, worldwide ordeal.
and you are the center of it.
that one thing was the origin
of laughs
or tears
or scorns.
so the next time you think you're having
a bad day,
just think...
your mood could be causing
the rest of the world
to frown.
have you ever thought of that?

Mommy's Day dedicated to my mom 5-9-04 skd
So...its this time of year again already?
man. so this means finding cards & presents
& cooking dinner & cleaning up the house
& calling Grandma & being extra nice
& doing the dishes & laundry
& getting off the internet when you want on
& being considerate of how loud the television is
& not quoting "The Simpsons" at the table
not matter how relevent it is
& telling you i love you
& treating you like a queen, right?
yeah...but...i have a question...
how is this different from yesterday?

later fans (again referring to kristin)
lol

~S~

Beauty. Failed. Us.

yes, alas & alack! more poetry

2004-05-11T20:57:00.000-05:00

blog hath a neweth layout

2004-05-11T20:21:00.000-05:00

my oh my.
blogger's new layout is very... ... ... round.
everything has round edges.
very child safe. good job, blogger.
I'm rather slow at letting this sink in. I still expect the old layout.
but, this isn't bad.
It's hardly any dif.
Of course, sar, you are the only person knowing what I'm talking about, so I'll bet I look like a big dope right now. oh well.

today = tiring.
many ... conversations.
rehearsal = exhausting, I felt so drained after it.
robby picked me up afterwards. w/out rachie. I thought that was odd. oh well. we discussed school-ish stuff on the way to home.
I made a pizza when I got home. me and rach each had about 2 slices and left the rest on the counter. soph ate what was left after her game.
I really didn't want to have a rehearsal today after I saw the beautiful rain. oh my. I wanted to run around in it. it was perfectly pleasant.
it was warm and nice...
and then it turned ugly (so I heard).
"maybe the electricity went out."
"oh, no, just some of the electrons are on strike."
cody is a dummy.
but then it was done raining after rehearsal. so I missed out.

school, did I say, was boring. like always.
dissecting the pigs, now.
yay. (sarcasm.)

I'm trying my hardesthardesthardest to ignore Jose. Trying.
But it's hard.

my biology paper is bugging me. I hope I get it done by whenver its due.

thats all for now.
me and you, sar, need to have our group discussion, soon.

there are multiple scabs on my legs because I have this issue with scratching.
yousee...
itchy legs = scratch the legs.
scratching the legs = don't stop until the itchiness is gone.
itchiness leaves when the skin is raw, hence the scabs.

goin to do something...

k

Beauty. Failed. Us.

my turn

2004-05-04T20:34:00.000-05:00

my turn to post.
nothing to say.
uh oh.
a first, for me. maybe somethings wrong!?
uh. thats all for me, now.
I xangaed, if it matters.
Beauty. Failed. Me.

more poetry & ranting about stupid english

2004-04-29T20:58:00.000-05:00

yeah yeah yeah...just read

this one is for the part of everyone who they are when they make me mad...

I Dispise You (4-22-04) skd
You piss me off. You're concieted.
you drown out all the good things
by holding me back & reeking negativity.
i hate you. ok well not really.
but i dispise your very being.
from your insanely loud shirts
to your dark, sagging pants.
to your vans, or converse, or whatever you wear today.
i hate they way your eyes
dont meet mine
the way your veins pop out when you drum.
the way you have to be the best.
all the stupid bracelets you wear.
that noise that wont stop.
the reminders of good times
& the way you ignore them.
the way i cant.
the way i refuse to love you anymore.
& your stupid, ugly, mis-shapen hair.
blah!

?Where? (3-30-04) skd
separated from a life
a bl nk drawn in a fullness
a missing ltter in a word
a wrong in the perfcetion.
i've become lsot.
will you f.i.n.d me?
no, you wont. you cant.
you (dont) know how
my meaning is [hidden]
dont get confused? in this life
this octagon has a missing side.
can you fill my wrongness?
replace the errors?
or am i compltely hope
.less.

umm & heres a haiku that i wrote in english

*Stars* (3-25-04) skd
Stars blended with snow
Still seen when they are dead.
Light of the heavens.

have i mentioned lately that i hate, no dispise, english & this stupid bunny book?
oh i havent?
well i just did...
but i did find one great quote that i love. but its like a paragraph...
maybe i'll post it tomorrow.

blah i'm out. i gotta finish homework & study for biology.
yeah that'll happen!

~S~

Beauty. Failed. Us.

2004-04-27T21:26:00.000-05:00

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be hatd
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

When my fist clenches, crakc it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

Beauty. Failed. Us.

headaches suck

2004-04-27T21:20:00.000-05:00

I've got a headache. It sucks. That's about all I have to say.
OTher than that,
Today was a drag.
Rehearsal wasn't too bad.
Tomorrow will be exactly the same as today.
Thursday will be intensified boringness with some mathes mixed in.
Good night.
Oh. Wait.
So Jose did ask me to BB. And then had a little hissy fit.
I'll explain later.
Night.
K
Beauty. Failed. Us.

fuel

2004-04-24T18:17:00.000-05:00

finished the fuel skin.
opinions are nice, please.
luv,me

Beauty. Failed. Us.

frown

2004-04-22T21:43:00.000-05:00

frown. today sucked.
that will be all.
later, me

Beauty. Failed. Us.

you did a grand job

2004-04-21T21:36:00.000-05:00

you did a grand job w/ those. but I already said that.
off I go...
k

Beauty. Failed. Us.

ahh poetry, my love.

2004-04-21T20:56:00.000-05:00

new poems. for diff. people. for everyone.
take them as you like them, but dont be as conceited to think that they are about you.
unless i tell you that way.

Conversation of old friends (4-20-04) skd
last night____late away after a
| long | time of silence,
old friends speak.
old love is rekindled.
old w.o.u.n.d.s are [healed]
a phone r
and i
away n
we g
go s
talking of bro ken hearts
of ))music((
after 2 months of no words
an unexpected smile in the voices on the two lines
so ---far--- apart, but souls meeting again.
two months, 2 years, to decades, too centuries
it wouldn't matter.
f e wouldn't matter. would it?
o v old friends will a_l_w_a_y_s
r e find each other.
- r

a secret life (4-20-04) skd
one guy tonight
another tomorrow
secrets being kept
while a third one enters
never finding out.
never letting it slip.
never messing up.
never going back.
always keeping up
with everyone.
no one would ever know.
3 different dates.
3 different events.
all a perk of this life.
Beauty will give you anything
Guys can get you anything
these ways never change.
and its always a sport
but...
never me...
right?

more later but mom wants on...

~S~

Beauty. Failed. Us.

hot dogs = bleck!

2004-04-20T22:20:00.000-05:00

sick. hot dogs. that's so icky.
luv, me

Beauty. Failed. Us.

heh

2004-04-20T20:23:00.000-05:00

kristin does me tons of favors.
not sexual
thank god!
for the both of us
& that was literal

poems to come in the near future.
kristin is in possesion of them at the current time
i like the way this looks.
its fun.

hmmm..
talked to kyle west last night
one of the poems is for him
(hint hint kristin)
i'll post them tomorrow maybe.
sry i'm cutting this short but i g2g eat.
hot dogs.
oh boy...

i wish i had cruise food....

~S~

Beauty. Failed. Us.

rain, rain, come today, forget me on another day

2004-04-17T22:27:00.000-05:00

oh how I want it to rain! oh my. I desire the rain greatly right now.
I want someone to be here (someone being that certain someone that ya know of now) when it rains. But, eh. 'But, eh' has become one of my fav phrases. Hah. I just tried to spell phrases like 'frases'. Ha. Ok. So, like I was saying.
I want rain and Nick.
Wow, way to be discreet on that last one, Kristin. Yeah yeah. So?! Let me have my cake and eat it too.
Ya know... I really do like cake. Really. And I make some decent cake, too.
I'm thinking of a new sn for no reason that might be: devoid.of.coryza
I dunno. What do you think? You have no clue what it means. But, I do. Yay!
**sigh**, Here:
coryza
n : an inflammation of the mucous membrane lining the nose (usually associated with nasal discharge)

[double sigh: **sigh sigh**. read: coryza=common cold]

Ha: "What's discharge??"
Poor Mani. Oh well. He's my BB date, so eh. And stupid Bubba's is catering BB. I don't like Barbecue. Yucketh.
ok, that's all for now. I'm rather confused at the moment, so I suppose it would be best to tell you to disregard this post. But I know you won't anyhow, so pooh on you-h.
Yesh!!!
k

Beauty. Failed. Us.

!!bg image on archives!!

2004-04-16T20:01:00.000-05:00

Ok, here's the deal. Due to my lack of $ and/or motivation, the background image on our archives (yeah, I redid the archives, too) may not be there for long. Seems that I'm stealing, erm, borrowing, someone's bandwidth. And I feel bad for doing it, but, I can't upload it into my own image hosting without resizing it. :( So, if you're nice, and care, you can send me $ and I'll be happy to upgrade one of my many accounts so that I don't have to resize every stinking image. So, yeah. Uh. Yeah. Later.k
Beauty. Failed. Us.